Year in Review, Short Version

No, there is no long version; I lived through that once already.
2004 was the year of the Monkey, and I did not make that up. It certainly monkeyed with our lives something fierce:

• In February, Yoko's Dad's car went off an embankment up in the mountains and landed in a stream some 30 feet below. He broke both his right tibia and fibula, and he very narrowly avoided severe spinal injury. He's been in the hospital since then due to a series of infections and surgeries, but we're hopeful that he'll be back home sometime soon.
• In June, I discovered that I had failed to pass the Foreign Service Written Exam for the first time in three attempts; I'd made it to the Orals both times before. It's possible that my essay on how the current administration had incorrectly prosecuted the invasion of Iraq may have had an effect on my score, despite their assurances that content is not counted.
• In June, the Director determined that she didn't need me as a full-time employee, so I was demoted to 40-hrs-per-week part time status, involving a reduction in salary and no benefits. The COBRA payments are murderous.
• In August, a narcoleptic driving with a suspended license killed my truck (but rather fortunately missed hurting me in the process); we ended up getting a very nice used '99 Honda Civic as a replacement, but it put a huge dent in our pocketbook.
• In November, well, hell, the eponymous Monkey solidified his career for the next four years.
• In November, I punched a wall and broke my hand (a classic so-called Boxer's Fracture); the wound has healed completely, and while my hand is still swollen (and will be for a few more weeks), it's a lot better than it might have been. Oh, and I've learned not to punch walls. I know, some of us are slow learners.
• In late December, as we drove home from San Diego, we got to experience helLA traffic; a two-hour delay through the rainy mountains above the 210; fog, sand, and typhoon-strength winds in the Central Valley; and more rain and huge winds all the way to Livermore. I have never been as happy to be out of the car as I was Monday night. On the plus side, we made it unscathed, and the Civic proved to be a remarkably comfortable ride despite the 12-hours on the road.

No year is all bad, however:

• In June, I got in a huge month of rock climbing and really reconnected with an old friend.
• In June, I got to see the Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra for free in San Francisco; I have never skanked so hard in my life.
• In October, I had an interview with LeapFrog. While they were unable to hire me due to budget rearrangements, I had a great time with the process, and it felt good to be told that they really wanted me.
• In November, my parents came up for Thanksgiving, and we had a blast. As Yoko was working on a paper about food and heritage, and as my Mom loves to talk about genealogy, Yoko and my Mom got on like a house on fire. We Nielsen men were content to sit back and drink Akvavit.
• In early December, I was provisionally appointed to a position as a Program Director, which is less pay but at least includes benefits.
• In mid-December, Yoko finished her last class in her Paralegal Studies program, complete with membership in Phi Theta Kappa, the 2-year college academic honors society.
• Throughout the year, my good gaming buddies have kept me plenty distracted with tales of Macedonian Companions, Space Dogs, and a thoroughly harrowing Mall of Doom. Oh, and zombies, zombies, and more zombies.

I have high hopes for 2005, the year of the Rooster:

• I hope to be permanently employed in my position.
• I hope Yoko will find meaningful, engaging, and profitable work that will value her for her talents and work ethic.
• I hope to start rock climbing again, and I hope to be swimming 1km twice a week by April.
• I hope my father, my brothers, and I can get together to walk the Bay to Breakers in May.
• I hope that Yoko's Dad will be able to come home and will regain the ability to walk, even if it's only with a cane.
• I hope that all of you have a good year, that your dreams are furthered, that your loved ones remain healthy and hale, and that your spirits are lifted by your accomplishments and the potential of what is to come.

Goodbye, Monkey. Hello, Rooster.

In Another Timeline

I think this would have been a much more interesting timeline.

Sumo!

Forget your measly March Madness. Stop pretending that baseball is exciting. Go where the action is: two men, two mawashi, one ring, one winner.

Choose excitement. Choose sumo.

The Spring Basho is now half over. There are plenty of folks still in the lead, so this could be anyone's Yusho. If you really need help appreciating this sport, get a copy of The Joy of Sumo. Then grab a cold beer and watch the flesh fly.

Striking Distance

I really loathe the SF Chronicle. It's the forced sense of cheery camraderie they add to every story. In some way, I suppose it's meant to make you think of the reporter as your next door neighbor, dressed in a bathrobe, leaning on your fence, cup of coffee in hand, pointing across the street at your suspicious neighbors and listing the juicy gossip of the morning.

Case in point: The SF Chronicle is running a story about Marcus Wesson, the polygamist and suspected mass-murderer, wherein they refer to him as a "man with [a] striking personality." He may have murdered nine people, all family members, and the SF Chronicle thinks the most important thing we need to know about him is that he had a striking personality?

Imagine the SFC tackling "dynamic and enthusiastic overachiever" Jeffrey Dahmer or "charming former painter" Adolph Hitler. Brrrr.

Give me my inverse-pyramid journalism any day of the week; just tell me who, what, where, when, why, and how. Leave the humanization bits for the biographers.

If it's worth doing...

It's worth doing all the way or not at all.

The lovely and talented tinymammoth showed me God Hates Shrimp. Brilliant.

News Flash from the Martha Stewart Trial

"Juror #3, you looking at me funny? 'Cos Mr. Voodoo Doll here thinks you've been looking at me funny."

They're rioting in Africa

Well, not at the moment, but they've finally gotten around to sending 419 Scammer email to my work address. Took 'em bloody long enough.


ATTN.Erik Nielsen,

I am Mr JOHN DANILK, the only son Mr JACOD DANILK.The former
security adviser to the ousted Sierra Leonean military head of state, AZIZ KOROMA,
I am writing to express my interest real estate or any viable investement in your country. my father died in detention a couple of yaers ago while he been detained by the new governement.

Before his untimely death, he instructed me to leave the country for my safety and start up a business in any country for my choice with a total sum $ 25,000.000.00 (twenty five million us dollars) deposited in a security and finance company here in Dakar S?n?gal. Actually, i came accross your contact through internet. I decided to seek your assistance in transferring this money for investment purpose. I have all the documents that covers the deposit which could be faxed to you upon request.

Transaction of this nature demands the highest trust and confidence between both parties. if you will prefer it. this transaction is risk free in the sense that I have taken proper care of all formalities involved. for your assistance in this transfer, I have decided to give you 15% of the total sum involved and 5% mapped out for miscelleneous expenses that we may incur during the process. I appriciate any assistance you may accord me in this capacity.

I look forward to hear from you soon,

THANKS YOU GOD BLESS YOU.

Yours sincerely.
Mr JOHN DESUMANI


Maybe I should forward this to the Governor.

It would be easy

To simply jump in and say, "No to any Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage!" Instead, I'm going to make a very concrete proposal.

Make it known to your Representative and Senator that you will pull support from and contribute financially to the political enemies of any Representative or Senator who votes for this amendment or works to get it passed. Then stick to it. If Dianne Feinstein, for example, were crazy enough to support this amendment, then throw your vote and your support behind a third-party candidate for her Senate seat.

Spread this idea around. The more people (and organizations) that make it known, publicly, what the stakes are, the faster we can get this idiocy squished.

A Vote for Nader

Is a vote for Bush. Mostly. Let's put that post on embracing complexity to work for us. If you're the sort of person who:

-- actually votes, and you usually vote Democrat, then yes, your vote for Nader is a vote for Bush.

-- actually votes, and you usually vote Republican, then no, your vote for Nader is not a vote for Bush.

-- doesn't usually vote at all, but you've been motivated to vote for the only candidate to host SNL, your vote for Nader is not a vote for Bush, but you're certainly missing an opportunity to vote against Bush.

-- doesn't actually vote, but you like to complain loudly about the Bush Administration, your vote for Nader or your couch is not only a vote for Bush, it's also clear evidence that you need to be kicked in the head.

Let's put it this way: If you want to eject GWB from the White House, your only real choice is whichever shmuck the Democrats choose at the Primary Convention. Ralph's not going to win. The best he can hope for is to gain 5% of the vote, and it's pretty clear that the only people who are going to vote for him are the ones who already oppose the Bush presidency. Since we don't have Instant Run-off Elections (a rant for another day), a split in the voter base of any candidate is bound to lead to that candidate's loss. Ralph is a splitter.

If you want to do some real good for third-party candidates, support your local third-party candidates. If you get enough of them elected, you can change the political landscape.

Voting for a third-party candidate in the Presidential Election is not going to change the political landscape. Deal with it.

More Music, Less Thinking, Please

What the hell is so wrong and yet so right about musicians from countries that purport to speak English against all evidence to the contrary? I don't know, but whatever it is, mclusky's got it. Their sound is like Helmet minus the social commentary, plus... more.

They put me in mind of the very first time I heard the Descendents: pumped, jazzed, inexplicably happy. Be forewarned, not only do their lyrics really make no sense, they also sometimes include profanity.

Download "Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues" and "To Hell With Good Intentions" as mp3s, listen to "Alan Is A Cowboy Killer" via RealAudio, and watch the videos for "Undress For Success" and "To Hell With Good Intentions" via RealVideo. Lyrics can be found here and here.

Complexity

Back in 2000, I was approached, at a Muni station, by a supporter of a fairly hardline candidate for Attorney General. "No thanks," I said, "I don't think more jails is the answer." "Well, what do you think the answer is then?" he asked, indignantly, "Less jails?"

This is the sort of thinking that is holding us back as a state (and, on a larger scale, as a nation). If you don't want more jails, you must want less jails. If you don't want cuts in education, you must want tax hikes. If you don't support the death penalty for one person on death row, you must be anti-death penalty. If you didn't support the preemptive invasion of Iraq, you must have supported Saddam Hussein. If you support gay marriage, you must support pederasty.

Malarkey. This is simplistic thinking, suitable to simpletons, and I for one am sick of it. The world is not binary. Human beings are not binary. We are capable of complexity, and it's about damn time we started to embrace it.

Complexity has become a dirty word in politics these days. It's become a way of tuning out the average person, of perpetuating the status quo. When we ask why we have crime in our cities, we're told it's complicated, and we let it go at that. Who wants to dive into the complexities of race relations, the urban family unit, economic depression, urban blight? It's much easier to just assign blame and say it's complicated. Why don't kids do well in school? Obviously it's because the teachers aren't doing their jobs. Or it's because parents aren't concerned about their children's education. Or because the Man is keeping Mama's baby-daddy from getting a real job and making the child-support payments. Can't fix that-- it's complicated.

And the problem never gets solved.

You want to know whose fault it is? I'll tell you, so we can get on with fixing it. It's my fault. Yep, it's all my fault. My bad, me to blame, I'm the one, I did it. Have we got that out of the way yet? Good. Now let's get going on fixing it.

Start by figuring out where we can make a change, the biggest change on the smallest level. Recognize that whatever the problem is (schools, teen pregnancies, kids smoking stupid amounts of dope), you're going to need to spend more money before you can afford to spend less money. Recognize that the price you pay to live in a somewhat safe society is the taxes that go to build the programs that keep the kids from ripping off the stereo in you car. Recognize that if you buy a luxury car, you're at higher risk and ought to pay more.

Remember, though, when you feel like grousing and moaning, that a small, cost-effective prevention plan will trump a more expensive fix-it plan later on.

So when the politicians start circling like vultures, saying, "We must return to basics!" or "More taxes will drive more business out of the state!" or "Welfare just encourages more welfare!" take a deep breath and take the plunge into complexity. Figure out for yourself that nothing is simplistic enough to fit into a soundbyte.

If we all did that, we'd be one step closer to getting through this mess.

Finished

Finally finished playing Deus Ex by Eidos Games. I don't usually rave about games, but this one knocked my socks nearly clean off. It's one part Shoot-em-up, one part Illuminatus! Trilogy.

But the best part is, it's finished! I can now get on with my life. Yay, me!

Gyah. I post much more to my LiveJournal than I do to my blog. I must either crosspost, or occasionally link from here to there.