RIP: Mom

My mother, Mary Nielsen, died on Monday, December 8, around 4:30 p.m. from an aortic dissection, possibly brought on by a genetic predisposition (Marfan Syndrome) and stress to the aorta induced by a partial lung infection (and subsequent collapse) a few weeks prior. Mom experienced excruciating pain on Sunday night, but the pain subsided while she was at the hospital, and it is very likely that she suffered little, if any, pain at the very end; all three of us sons got to talk to her, individually, in the hospital while we thought she was recovering. Such are the tiny mercies.

Mom was born in 1944 in Buffalo, NY, and her father, a WW2 vet, brought the family out to Vista, California when she was in elementary school. She graduated from Vista High School and intended to become an elementary school teacher like her mother, but varicose veins prevented her from standing in front of a classroom for hours at a time (all three of her sons, however, have taught at one point or another, so the genes will out, I suppose). She got a job with Sears instead, and soon after met and married my father. His naval career took them back to the East Coast, but she continued working for Sears until I was three or so; she then raised us full-time until I was 13 and we were living in Okinawa. In Okinawa, Mom took over management of the Navy Officers' Wives' Gift Shop in the hospital on Camp Lester (nee Kuwae). As manager and purchaser, she traveled to Korea several times; she once got too close to a student protest and got teargassed. In 1986, we returned to California, and Mom went to work for the San Marcos Unified School District; in 1988, just after I graduated, she became the Principal's Secretary at San Marcos High School, and she kept that ship running for several years. She later moved to Res Med, a company that specializes in medical equipment for dealing with sleep apnea, and then Tri-ad, an insurance packaging company.

Mom's main hobby was genealogy; she tracked down a "lost" branch of the Teclaws in Wisconsin, and she and her siblings went there for a family reunion. She was amazingly resourceful; she got me into Berkeley when I was passed up as being borderline interesting to them, and she fought the administration tooth and nail to get me credit for my AP classes. And while I like to joke about how she was always asking me to fix her computer or install things when I visited, she was the one who copied thousands of lines of code from magazines into the TI-99/4A that I first learned to program on; she knew how to set up printers and scanners, and she was tenacious when it came to a problem.

She was also clever and funny, and she could organize the hell out just about anything requiring personnel and materials. I think that my own inordinate frustration with incompetence stems from having grown up with an example of how smoothly things can go if you just put some thought and planning into it.

Mom was also open to new ideas and experiences; she loved taking tours around Okinawa, Korea, and the PI when we lived in the region (in the 80s), and she and my dad took cruises to Mexico, Northern Europe, and Alaska in recent years. She even dragged Yoko and me along on a wine-tasting tour bus to the Baja wine country (a trip I heartily recommend to one and all). Most impressive of all, Mom and my mother-in-law, Noriko, spent an entire day alone together, despite neither of them speaking the other's language; they relied on pictures, a dictionary, patience, and an awful lot of good humor.

Mom was raised and remained a devout but intellectual Catholic throughout her life. The scandalous behavior of the molesting priests and the Church's inaction made her shake with anger and drove wedge between her and the organization, but she maintained her peace with God; she believed in a merciful, compassionate, and all-embracing Lord, not the infallibility of Pope and Church.

Mom went quickly and relatively painlessly, without much fuss, and I think she would have appreciated that. We had a lovely graveside ceremony for family on Friday, December 12, and then we had a public Celebration of Life for her on Saturday, December 13; we were expecting 70 or so people, but over a hundred showed up, and they all had lovely things to say about her.

It's been three weeks now, and, of course, the pain hasn't gotten any better; I don't expect it to. I wish I could cry more often, and I try not to fight it when the feelings well up. Mostly I just miss her. I think of things I want to tell her, and then I remember that I can't call her anymore, and, well, that's when it hits me over and over again. She's gone. She's gone, and I miss her.

Attn: tongodeon: Losing The Bet via Bat for Lashes

It's the video for the Bat for Lashes song, "What's a Girl to Do," featuring, well, furries and BMX bikes.



Background on The Bet here.

Review: Quantum of Solace (No Spoilers)

Hits the ground running and doesn't let up. At the end of the opening chase scene, I wasn't the only one in the theater shouting "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!"

I noted that the titles for the film were done by MK12, the same design company that brought you comics nerds the incomparable Matt Fraction. MK12 (and Fraction) has a very distinctive style: a kind of mix of late 60's groovedelica with smoother early 00's CG, but often with a touch of the silly. Of particular interest to you David Niven/Peter Sellers brand-of-Bond fans is their superb nonsense pastiche, "Man of Action" (49MB .mov).

Truffle Dinner at Oliveto

Just got back from Oliveto, where we enjoyed their Truffle Dinner.

We had:
-- Pan d'mie crostini with wild snails, wild mushrooms, and leeks
-- Warm salad of lamb sweetbreads, artichokes, cauliflower, and black truffles
-- Ravoli of Spiny lobster and lobster roe
-- two lovely main dishes, one with a home-made sausage, and the other with vitello
-- a 16g white truffle to shave over these

And every single dish was a marvel. The sweetbreads were the best of the lot, followed closely by the lobster ravioli. Everything tasted amazing. Everything.

And yet, we found ourselves a little disappointed. Each dish was perfectly delicious and savory without the shaved truffle; in fact, all of the dishes were so strong and delicious in their own rights that the truffle was hard to distinguish. The truffle really only shone through when Yoko buttered some of their lovely bread and shaved some truffle on the bread. Apart from that, there was simply no point to buying the truffle.

That said, we thoroughly recommend the experience*, just without buying the extra truffle.

*thoroughly recommend, of course, if you've got the serious bux. No lie, this is the single most either of us has ever paid for dinner. Forewarned, etc.

Review: Låt den rätte komma in

"Let the right one in" is a Swedish arthouse horror movie about a boy who makes friends with a vampire who's recently moved in next door. This is all established pretty early in the movie, so I'm not particularly afraid of spoiling it.

What follows is an hour-and-a-half, mer eller mindre (give or take), of both the heartwarming and the horrible. The movie seems to take its sweet time setting up the story, such that the resolution seems to come along somewhat out of the blue. What's left, however, is the bittersweet joy and agony of being twelve and uncertain; parallels will doubtlessly be drawn between this and that other famous Swedish heartwarmer, Mitt live som hund, though there is certainly a lot more blood in this one.

Quirky, artsy: thumbs up.

CONGRATULATIONS, Barrack Hussein Obama!

Now, when someone tells a child that anyone can grow up to be President, that someone can point to a living example.

Voted, and how

Early voting is much like voting absentee, and, in fact, you can simply hand in your absentee ballot, if you have one. It's worth taking a moment here to debunk a common misconception about absentee ballots: absentee ballots count the same as any other vote, electronic or otherwise. There was a rumor a while back that absentee ballots are only counted in the event of a tie, but this is patently false. The election results are not certified until ALL ballots are counted.

If you're in Alameda County, you can vote in Oakland:

Alameda County Registrar of Voters
1225 Fallon Street, Room G-1, Oakland
(510) 272-6973

Monday - Friday
8:30am to 5:00pm
Saturday and Sunday
10:00am to 3:00pm

You do not need to show an ID to enter the building (though they will x-ray your stuff and make you walk through a metal detector), and you do not need to show ID to vote. You can vote on a Saturday or Sunday, so no problem for the Observant. Have I eliminated all of your excuses yet? Go vote! I did.

Here's where I went on the State and Local Measures:

1A HIGH SPEED CHOO CHOO
YES
Amtrak currently has zero incentive to keep an efficient, timely passenger train service from the SFBA to LA; passenger service is a losing business for them, and they'd much prefer to simply ship freight and be done with it. If they weren't mandated by law to have such a service, they would drop it like a rotten potato. If we're going to subsidize transportation up and down the state, let's at least get something reasonable for it. This Cali Shinkansen would be just the thing. Added bonus: less traffic waiting for a commuter flight from OAK/SF to LA.

2 ROOM FOR FOOD CRITTERS
YES
The food-from-critters industry is just that: an industry. They're not in it for healthy food-critters or healthy customers; they're in it for money. And the easiest way to make money in the food-from-critters business is to grow/sell more-more-more. Space equals cost, cost eats into profit, and that means that space is a no go. Industries like these need regulation the same way that children need boundaries; without regulations, we're back to Upton Sinclair's The Jungle. Honestly, though, the thing that pushed me over the edge on this one was part of the rebuttal from the No crowd: "[Prop 2] puts Californians at risk for AVIAN INFLUENZA." That's right, giving chickens room to stretch would expose them to Bird Flu, and then we'll all die. Folks, if we can't catch infected birds before they reach your table, we're already DOOMED.

3 MONEY FOR MEDICINE
YES
Others have pointed out that Oakland's Children's Hospital already has money from the last go around, and this is true. More importantly, some of the money from this bond goes to research facilities. For those of you who played a lot of Civilization, I want to translate this for you: this is funding SCIENCE. SCIENCE has a lot of secondary benefits to society apart from the number of rooms you have at hospitals for sick people (though those are important, too). Me, I'm a huge fan of new TECH.

4 THE ANTI-JUNO THING
NO NO NO
Insert usual rant about keeping your hands off an already functional system. If you don't want teen abortions, teach and encourage birth control, including the pill, the morning-after pill, and condoms.

Side note: you know what I want? A vaccine against STDs and pregnancy (and addiction, but more on that some other time). I want to be able to hand my future daughter or son the ability to go out, have a good time, and not have to worry about anything more devastating than heartbreaks. I frankly wouldn't care if my daughter/son was having sex with other kids her/his age just so long as she/he was being personally responsible and careful not to get hurt. If we had a vaccine like that, the people who keep pretending to care about unborn babies could get down to their actual, real agenda: hating their own bodies. Have fun.

5 SENTENCING FOR CRIMES NOT CRIMINALITY
YES
This measure still allows Judges to make judgement calls on whether the kid in front of them is a recalcitrant or an idiot. That's a good enough cap on this for me.

6 MO PO PO MONEY
NO
This is a well-meaning measure, but the answer here is more LOCAL police, especially in Oakland and Richmond. Simi Valley doesn't need a grant for a new cruiser-- and frankly, neither does Piedmont.

7 THE RENEWABLE ENERGY INITIATIVE FROM THE RICH DUDE FROM AZ
YES
It took me the longest time to work out just what the hell this thing was about. I mean, the NO crowd is really, really impressive... but what are they asking me to vote against? Turns out that the main push for this is for huge solar arrays in the desert. This is... ambitious and insane, but insane in a not-bad way, more like a "hey, what if we added a 'mouse' to control the device through a graphical interface' kind of insane. Briefly: a solar array out in the desert would, in theory generate oodles of energy that could then be used to power the entire state. The initial costs, mind, would be simply mind-boggling, but the payoff-- oh, sweet green mama. This would make the Hoover Dam sound quaint. This is the science of science fiction, and it's a huge gamble, but it could work out well. Live I mentioned early, I like new TECH.

8 BAN TEH GAY
NO NO NO
Never mind that the Yes crowd is lying through its teeth about CA making teachers teach pro-GBLT material to kids in our schools or that the entire measure is being funded by the Church of Latter Day Saints. Never mind that. What it comes down to is this: religion has no place in determining who gets to get secular marital rights. Just as Jews can't be forced to eat pork (a la Christian Spain circa 1000 AD), Christians can't be forced to step on pictures of Christ (Japan, 17th century), and Muslims can't be forced to spit on the Koran (Guantanamo, early 21st century), so too should no one be forced to obey the restrictions of any religion in a secular society. Render unto Caesar and all that. Keep your Church in church.

9 MORE VINDICATION FOR VICTIMS

Society needs laws to protect the innocent from the bad people, and society HAS laws to protect the innocent from the bad people. This goes too far.

10 THE RENEWABLE ENERGY INITIATIVE FROM THE RICH DUDE FROM TX
NO
We're getting closer to a reasonable measure, but the push to natural gas, while enticing, is not the way to go. (Also: we're not really any closer to clean coal, and even if we were, it would still be a long time before we could get coal in a way that doesn't make the Appalachians as flat as Kansas. Come on, Barrack, find another way.)

11 LOOK MA I'M REDISTRICTING
NO NO NO
We NEED a new method for redistricting based solely on the number of people living in a given patch of ground, yes. We don't need another committee to come up with a plan, especially when the only criteria for selecting that committee is political affiliation. Knock it off, folks.

12 ACRES AND A MULE
YES
War is not good, sure, but we do need incentives to keep our armed forces staffed. Turning former soldiers into contributing members of the housing market sounds like a good idea to me.


As I always, I'm most concerned THAT you vote, no matter HOW you vote. Go vote!

Thank you, Mr. Powell

Now come on back to Dept. of State; we forgive you.

Lessons Learned

What I learned from missing the curve on the Treasure Island off-ramp on the Bay Bridge and slamming into the mountain/guard-rail:
-- Some turns are not doable at higher speeds.
-- When on the freeway, STICK TO THE FUCKING PLAN. All impulses and split-second revisions are bad unless they circumvent certain death.
-- Keep your cellphone charged; you never know when you're going to need to be on it for an hour or so. Also, an earpiece like a Jabra is indispensable when you're getting things out of your car.
-- If you have an accident on the Bay Bridge, you _will_ get towed by CalTrans; once you're in the Bay Bridge Toll Plaza lot, your usual tow truck company can come and get you.
-- A lot of people will stop to see if you need help or are injured. In fact, a lot more people than really should. I mean, it's really cool and reassuring that so many people are good samaritans, but if you're by yourself and you pull over to help someone on the side of the road, it might not end well. Be careful out there, folks. Not everyone's a goofy and friendly seven-footer with a heart of gold.
-- The CHP guys are really friendly once they work out that you're not drunk or an asshole. And anything that saves them paperwork makes you look good in their eyes.
-- The 9-volt battery LED flashlight is the greatest thing since sliced bread, bottled beer, and 16-gig flash drives. Get one of these flashlights, and put it in your glove compartment along with a spare battery. http://www.9voltlight.com/
-- Nothing, NOTHING is more important than coming home alive and (mostly) uninjured to your loved ones.

For the record: I'm fine, just a little sore. I was the only one in the car, and I didn't hit anyone else. The car's in the shop (yay total coverage and USAA), and we're just waiting to hear the verdict on it.

Most importantly, I'm in one piece. Everything else is gravy.

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (Wii)

Note the intentional spelling of Wii there.

So, there I am at the end of the game, my enemy crushed beneath my heroic fist, still twitching from the overdose of Direct Current I've given him, and while I should feel ecstatic about bridging the gap between Episodes III and IV, I just don't. It's oddly anticlimactic, and this is coming from a self-professed geek and Star Wars-lover.

Let me back up: I rented SW:TFU last Sunday, and I've been playing now and then through the week. II try to get to bed by 11pm most nights, so between dinner and hanging out with Yoko, I can't say I dedicated a whole lot of time to this game. And yet, just less than a week later, I've beaten the game and unlocked all of the Duel Characters apart from one. So: not a hard game. Just saying.

The gimmick to this, like most recent Star Wars Jedi games, is that you get to customize your powers, making each player's run somewhat different. That's nice, but let's face it: if you're not maxing Force Push, Lightning, and Pummel, you're really not getting the point of being a bad-ass baddie, are you? The only thing more Dark Side than beating people to a pulp with the flailing bodies of their friends is running enough juice through them to melt a Galactic Chancellor's face. And if you do max these three abilities, it's unlikely that a bunch of Stormtroopers are really going to slow you down, so there's half of the game right there.

The other half of the game is beating up on bosses, and these seem to come in two flavors: Jedi and Big'uns (and sometimes Jedi _and_ Big'uns, but not at the same time). Fighting Jedi is actually somewhat fun; your powers get a workout, and you get the impression that you're evenly matched. Fighting Big'uns is just plain frustrating. First (and this is specific to Big'uns), no matter how much you've boosted your powers, you only do a miniscule amount of damage per successful hit, so no matter how you play it, you still have to hit the boss the same number of times as any other Padawan. Second (and this is for nearly all bosses), once you wear your foe down to a certain health, you trigger the Dragon's Lair part of the game.

Now, this may just be a Nintendo Wii thing intended to somehow take advantage of the Wiimote's motion sensor, or it may involve button mashing on those other platforms. On the Wii, once you bring the villain down to a certain health level, the game prompts you to shake either the Wiimote or the Nunchuk. If you shake the right controller (and I'm not kidding here, you really have to shake it), you trigger a minor cut-scene during which your character delivers a series of devastating blows to the opposition. This is followed by more shake-prompts, and, as long as you follow them perfectly and in time, you'll work your way through to a final cut (often literally) scene; miss one of these cues, and your opponent knocks you down and regenerates some health. Better luck next time.

The end result of this is that you find yourself wondering why this isn't called Star Wars: The Spastic Maracas Unleashed.

Equally frustrating is these cues aren't necessarily easy to see. Or rather, yes, they're large, red, and on the screen, but if you, like me, occasionally get your left and right mixed up (or, gods forbid, are left-handed), you're going to need to concentrate more on which hand to shake than on the cut-scene that you're supposed to be enjoying while you beat up the bad-guy. Just to give you some perspective, note that I love complicated subtitles in movies and have no trouble following them and watching the actors' expressions at the same time. This game mechanic, however, forced me to unfocus my eyes so as to be sure to catch the right cue in my peripheral vision.

I have no bloody clue how the game designers have worked this into the game for other platforms; I imagine a series of Dance Dance Revolution-like prompts flashing on the screen, causing seizures, but I'm a cruel and bitter man.

In sum, the Wii implementation of SW:TFU left me disappointed, both in plot and in implementation. There is immense potential for the Wii to be THE platform of choice for a first-person Jedi game, but this third-person monstrosity comes nowhere near that. Heck, the so-called Interactive Star Wars Lightsaber Game does this better.

Having defeated the game, I now have the option to play through again with all of the powers I got from the first run-through. No thanks. Maybe if some other of my friends purchases the game I'll borrow it in a year or so and try again, but not now. Not for a long time.

Rain

Rain.

It began two, three days ago. The mugginess. The cloying air. The built-up charge in the air. You wake up in the morning, and you feel enveloped, somehow, though not smothered like you would in, say, Japan during rainy season.

An odd icon began appearing at the end of the weekly weather map: something to do with rain. And the pressure kept building.

Today, this evening, the first drops, scattered, fell, prompting early blooming umbrellas. But now, at 11 p.m., I hear the water falling in earnest.

Rain.

It's been a while. It will grow old soon; we tire of these things so quickly. It will be dreary and oppressive, and our tempers will fray a little.

But right now, I'm going to send this post, and then I'm going to take a walk with my umbrella in the real, palpable rain.

Good night.

Paul Newman, RIP

"Hollywood legend Paul Newman has died of cancer at the age of 83."

Ouch. When they say things like, "Well, he lived a full life," they really do mean it. We're going to miss you, Mr. Newman. And I sincerely hope you donated at least some of your DNA to a really crackerjack genetic research institute.

Sub-Prime: How It Went Down

A lot of people are apparently having a hard time understanding how the Sub-Prime Mortgage crisis (and, subsequently, the collapse of the modern American banking system) occurred. In case you're one of them, or in case you just really appreciate a good story, check out this This American Life piece entitled "The Great Pool of Money." It's about an hour long, and it's about as chock full of omgwtfbbq as you can stuff a radio show.

Seriously, if you can get through this program without wondering why the hell more people aren't going to jail, I admire your Kipling-esque restraint.

Spotting Politics

It's not hard to spot the politics at the Grand Lake Theater:

Attn: 'Mercan Readers: Register to Vote

Voter registration deadlines are now less than two weeks away, depending on where you live. Odds are that you're already registered to vote, but in case you're not, do us all a favor and get going. I don't mind, much, people complaining about election results, but if you don't vote, I really don't want to hear it.

Mind you, at this late stage of the game, I can't imagine there's a body out there who is going to vote who hasn't already sussed out whom they're voting for. I, for one, am looking forward to the President Obama's administration.

The Art of the No-Apology

Chicago Public Radio's This American Life did a superb segment on the non-apologizing apology, that utterly bizarre construction of the English language in which verbs are pacified and blame and responsibility are boiled out in such a way as to ensure that the apologizer in no way faces the consequences of their actions. This zen-apology, this koan of modern newsconferences, this artform of vapidity is the proving ground for today's politician. And so, with little further ado, and even less context, I give you Sarah Palin's entry:

"I do now have to tell Alaskans that such pressure could have been perceived to exist, although I have only now become aware of it."

Inexperienced? Sure! But man, does she have the lingo down or what?

Attention: Apiculturists

The good news: We may know where your bees have gone.

The bad news: San Francisco's Mission District is not a Sanctuary City for bees.

[Jobs] ILM: Technical Assistants

There are openings for "Technical Assistants" at ILM (listing posted on July 29). If you're looking, give it a shot.

The Venture Bros.: The Lepidopterists

Oh, sweet mother of mercy, I think I just broke something laughing. "Just one, man, after this one I'm going straight...."

Superhero Movie Reviews (No Capes or Spoilers)

Busy extended weekend for watching movies. On Thursday, I saw Hancock; today, Yoko and I went to see Hellboy 2: The Golden Army and Wanted; saving Dark Knight for next Thursday. Short, spoiler-free reviews follow:

Hancock: I had little in the way of high hopes for this from the get-go, but I'm happy to report that it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it might be. I still nearly walked out after the first ten minutes, but that's because, well, it was beginning to look like a super-powered version of The Pursuit of Happyness or Hitch or a reverse on Bagger Vance. Uberman has problems, loses groove finds sidekick (what Spike Lee has called The Magical Negro, but which turns out can be just about any ethnic, racial, or sexual orientation-related stereotype; cf. the gay boyfriends of Sex And The City or Hancock's environmentally-conscious-and-conflict-resolving-emasculated-liberal white guy buddy) who helps get groove back. Fortunately, I stuck around, and the movie didn't turn into another rehashing of the same old stuff. I can't say I was surprised by much of anything in the film, but I thought the physics were good (especially for a superhero film), and the movie remained consistent to its internal logic and the logic of the genre. Either catch a matinee or see it on a really big TV; not worth full price, and a 27-inch TV will lack the scale.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army: I did have hopes for this. Visually, del Toro's created another stunning tableau of the weird and wonderful. Unfortunately, the plot (and the acting; I know her character's a pyrokinetic, but does Selma Blair have to take loads of Prozac before the shooting?) was just a little too... I dunno, flat. Like so many things in Mike Mignola's comic, the settings (and the set-ups) are gorgeous, but the material just doesn't seem to follow through on the promises. Most disappointing is Jeffrey Tambor reprising his role as government nanny; I thought we'd resolved his issues with Big Red in the previous film, yet here he is, all ready to be a weeney again-- and a neurotic one at that. Oh, well. Again, visually, this is a lovely piece. Matinee or big-screen TV.

Wanted: The only rated R feature of the lot, and the most compelling, visually. Although it lifts its name and huge chunks of the premise from the comic book by Mark Millar, it eschews that works' reliance on a familiarity with the DC universe in favor of its own mythology, woven, so to speak, from a mostly unique spool of thread. This movie is sheer eye-candy from beginning to end. There's really nothing more to it, and that's all right; that's clearly what the director and producers intended. Nowhere near as funny as, say Shoot 'Em Up, Wanted still manages to make much of the blood and gore it spatters across the screen (and the cars, and the board-rooms, and the offices, and the streets, etc.). It's a blood and violence festival, and its core message is pretty reprehensible, and yet, it's still a lot of fun. Well, if you like that sort of thing. Matinee or better yet, big TV and a DVD player so's you can skip around a lot.

Speaking of Afghanistan and Pakistan

This video from glumbert.com isn't new, but it's intriguing:

glumbert - The Gun Bazaar of Pakistan

Depths of Silliness

Whilst on a trip to New Orleans this past weekend for my good friend Jim's bachelor party, I got to savor a beautiful pre-Castro Cuban tobacco Corona cigar. (Mind you, a quick Google search for "pre-embargo cuban tobacco" will lead you to an article on smokemag.com refuting the existence of such things, but then, bachelor parties in New Orleans are their very own blend of the impossible, so take it as you like.) It was a lovely thing, and it put me in mind of the lengths to which the US is willing to bend over backwards to appear solid on the shakiest of grounds.

You see, a lot of countries in the world do not have embargoes on Cuban products. In Jamaica, or Australia, or Japan, or Mexico, Cuban cigars are not illegal (although the actual Cuban content of any "Cuban" cigar advertised in Tijuana or elsewhere in Baja probably matches the Cuban content of the seller: nada), and you can generally purchase an authentic Romeo y Julieta at just about any reputable tobacconist. Well, you could, if you're not an American. The US Treasury Department has this to say about Cuban cigars:

• Transactions Involving Cuban-Origin Goods in Third Countries (PDF)
  The question is often asked whether United States citizens
  or permanent resident aliens of the United States may
  legally purchase Cuban origin goods, including tobacco and
  alcohol products, in a third country for personal use
  outside the United States. The answer is no. The
  Regulations prohibit persons subject to the jurisdiction of
  the United States from purchasing, transporting, importing,
  or otherwise dealing in or engaging in any transactions
  with respect to any merchandise outside the United States
  if such merchandise (1) is of Cuban origin; or (2) is or
  has been located in or transported from or through Cuba; or
  (3) is made or derived in whole or in part of any article
  which is the growth, produce or manufacture of Cuba. Thus,
  in the case of cigars, the prohibition extends to cigars
  manufactured in Cuba and sold in a third country and to
  cigars manufactured in a third country from tobacco grown
  in Cuba.

So, sorry, Yanqui: no cigar.

Or rather, no buying a cigar. No "purchasing, transporting, importing, or otherwise dealing in or engaging in any transactions" with Cuban or Cuban-derived products. However, if someone in a third country buys such a cigar and gives it to you, gratis, well, now! You're free and clear to smoke that sweet, sweet cigar.

Now, if you happen to be out in the backwoods of, say, Canada, and you happen to buy a Cuban cigar, you could face up to $250,000 in fines and up to 10 years in prison... that is, if someone were to report you "telephonically to OFAC's Enforcement Division at (202)622-2430 or via facsimile at 202 622-1657." Sorry, no e-mail address yet, but hey, think of the warm fuzzies you'll get by helping to enforce sanctions on a country that's having no real problem selling its goods abroad.

Promises and Benchmarks

Barack Obama has outlined his policy for withdrawing troops from Iraq and redeploying some to Afghanistan. This is worth reviewing and then revisiting a year from now; I think a phased redeployment such as he suggests is the best way to get us out.

Also, yes, Maliki did not use the word withdrawal in his statement. However, Maliki's own office used the word when they transcribed his speech, and it was their version that was publicized. If that somehow bothers you, I suggest to you that you need to take a step back. And then a step forward. And then a step back. And then you're doing the Cha-Cha.

Guns: Legal

The Supreme Court put out their opinion on DC v. Heller (940kb pdf) today.

In essence, the majority, headed by Scalia, said you can have a reasonable loaded gun in your house without a trigger lock, so long as you meet reasonable licensing requirements.

To be honest, this is fine by me. I'm not anti-gun and never have been. (I am anti-stupidity, though, and while it might be your constitutional right to have a gun without a trigger lock, my kids, when they're old enough, are not going to your house. Doesn't matter that, statistically, pools cause more harm; I'm not taking the chance.) Let's remember, though, what this does _not_ guarantee:
-- Concealed Carry
-- Open Carry
-- Assault Weapons
-- Guns in schools or government buildings
-- Felons or the mentally ill with guns
-- Your right to a license to own a gun if you don't meet licensing requirements

Fair enough.

PSA: How Not to Raise Money

Oakland is home to the con. Don't get me wrong: we don't have an exclusive license on it; we just have more than our fair share, if you will. Case in point: raising money for youth sports. It works like this: some young dude, somewhere between 12 and 20, stands on the street or in front of a supermarket or at a gas station with a crumpled up poster or a much-copied flyer and hits you up for money for a local youth sports league (usually basketball here in Oaktown). Said dude lays down a bored line about raising money for his youth sports league, throws in the name of a local park or recreation center or even, if he's feeling ballsy or stupidly lazy, the name of a local high school, and every once in a while, someone stops, out of guilt or charity or what have you, and gives the dude a dollar or five; very rarely, someone actually reads the flyer or writes out a check, but for the most part, it's cash in hand. Dude makes a half-dozen scores in a day, this can add up to real money.

Of course, there's no such youth sports league. I happen to know there's no such youth sports league because I used to work for the City of Oakland's Office of Parks and Recreation, and when these dudes would hit me up for money in the name of teams at rec centers, I would immediately call the director of said center on my cell and ask him if the story was legitimate. And it never was. As my good friend Horace at Rainbow once told me, "That cat is full of it." I would then turn to the dude with the paper and tell him that he'd best be careful because the cops actually enjoy busting young dudes laying out scams, "not that I'm saying you're scamming a-ight? Just letting you know," and the dudes would scamper. So it goes.

And so, today, when I was walking into the Longs Drugs on Pleasant Valley and Broadway, I was delighted to see the actual Oakland Tech boosters selling raffle tickets for their team. I knew they were legit because 1) the players were actually wearing their uniforms, 2) the boosters actually had raffle tickets to sell, and 3) there was a cadre of about a half dozen mothers of players sitting at a folding table keeping the whole thing running. As I went in, two young dudes asked me, in those disaffected teen voices common to young men working with their mothers standing nearby, if I wanted to buy a raffle ticket. I thought about it, and I decided, sure, why not, only not on the way in. "Thanks," I said, "maybe I'll buy one on the way out." And I walked into the store.

As I was walking in, I heard an older woman say, in a not particularly friendly voice, "You'd better buy one on the way out!"

I stopped in my tracks, turned around, walked back outside, and identified the speaker, an older woman I've never seen before. "Or else what?" I said, looking right at her, and then I laughed at the sheer ridiculous look on her face as she sputtered, and I went back in and shopped. And when I was done shopping, I went out another door (not out of any desire to avoid conflict but simply because it was closer to the other shopping I needed to do), and I did not buy a raffle ticket.

Congratulations, lady: you blew your team's chance of getting my money and support. You have a legitimate cause, and you alienated me from it. Way to go.

BSG: Season 4, Episode 10, No Spoilers

It's going to be a long, long wait for the next episode. Commence drinking now.

BSG Season 4, Episode 1

I downloaded this and am watching it right now. For those of you who have finished watching it, the moment preceding this image had me actually shout out loud:

-SPOILER- http://www.csua.berkeley.edu/~erikred/omg.jpg -SPOILER-

Wow! Now THAT'S Television!

[EDIT: All right, I'm a sucker. But STILL! I don't react that way to most TV!}

Keep Moving the Mouse

http://www.cubo.cc/

[08:27] BitzelTevel: Wow, that's smooth.
[08:28] Erik Nielsen: Do NOT let the mouse rest... or she will _notice_ you
[08:29] BitzelTevel: haha, really?
[08:29] Erik Nielsen: DUDE
[08:29] Erik Nielsen: Do you really want to risk finding out?
[08:29] BitzelTevel: Why are her eyes so blood-shot?
[08:30] Erik Nielsen: Stop asking questions you don't want the answers to!!!!
[08:30] BitzelTevel: Must. Know.

No, man, no.

Ralph Nader: Tool

Nader announces that he plans to make another Presidential run.

/facepalm.

Welcome, Grand Overlord McCain.

Jetcars, Teleporters, and Bluetooth Headsets

It's the 21st century, and I've pretty much resigned myself to not having my jetcar or teleporter. I was hopeful, however, that I could get stereo sound via Bluetooth headsets from my Mac by now. Sadly, this turns out not to be the case-- at least not on my G5 Tower running Tiger anyway.

A fruitless Saturday afternoon, indeed.

Aussie PM Kevin Rudd Apologizes to the Stolen Generation

Australia has had a decidedly bad history when it comes to its relationship with its Aboriginal communities. Perhaps the most egregious example of this is the Stolen Generation, a nearly century-long policy of forcibly relocating Aboriginal children to institutions to make them more "Australian." At best, this policy translated into horribly misguided kidnappings and incarceration, no matter how well-intentioned the motives were; at worst, it was genocide.

Previous administrations have refused to apologize to the Stolen Generation, citing the aforementioned good intentions of those who perpetrated these crimes. When Kevin Rudd's party was elected to lead the country, he promised to make the apology.

Today, in Canberra, in front of parliament, he made his apology and admitted that what was done to the Stolen Generation was wrong. He was greeted by a standing ovation.

Bravo, Kevin Rudd. May other political leaders around the world learn from your example.

Dear Internet Forums

I never thought this would happen to me.

Me: Helpdesk, how may I help you?
Client: When I hit the submit button, I get a "Page Cannot Be Displayed" message.
Me: Okay, sir, can you reach <URL in our subdomain>?
Client: No. No, I can't.
Me: Okay, how about <URL not in our subdomain>?
Client: Nope, can't get there either. Oh, I can't get to Google.
Me: Perhaps your Internet connection is down?
Client: Oh, okay. Also, the lights are off in my building and I'm using a laptop on battery. Do you think that might have something to do with it?

Review: Cloverfield

Short Review: Not as bad as you'd've thought.

Long Review: An amazingly gripping 84 minutes. Yes, it's all from the perspective of a handheld video camera, and yes, there are a couple of Blair Witch moments, but on the whole, director Matt Reeves manages to keep the nausea-cam to a minimum and has the timing to pare down some of the downtime so the whole thing keeps moving. Suffice it to say that the only thing that really stretched my willing suspension of disbelief to the breaking point was the idea that everyone who showed up for the party that starts the movie was either a model or model material; apart from that, it was consistent within its own twist on reality.

Also, as Warren Ellis pointed out, it's nice to know that we've reached enough of a healing point that we can handle watching New York get trashed in a movie, even if there were still some uneasy parallels to the Towers collapsing.

Caveats: plenty of jumping moments, lots of blood, plenty of critter violence, and the occasional character idiocy, but not too much of any of these. A thumb-up, at least once.

Review: Shoot 'Em Up

Short review: sheer gun-fu pornography.

Long review: If you're the kind of cat who thought that the main thing holding back The Matrix, The Professional, La Femme Nikita, Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels, The Way of the Gun, and A History of Violence was too much plot and not enough unadulterated Over The Top gun fu, congratulations, someone out there heard you. (Also, your meth dealer is on line two.) Shoot 'Em Up not only doesn't bother with a plot, it goes on to shoot holes in any plot that has the audacity to try to sneak into the film, and not just any holes, no, Sir, big, fat, juicy, bloody holes that probably have Zombie Sam Peckinpah reaching for his fork and knife. The only thing this movie is interested in is finding more bodies for its main hero to perforate and puncture, and believe me, it very rarely misses it quotas.

For some reason, the director thought he needed actual stars, so Clive Owens stars as the mysterious and frankly inexplicably talented Mr. Smith, Monica Belucci stars as a prostitute who specializes in suckling grown-up babies, and Paul Giamatti stars as a hands-on murder squad leader intent on finding Smith and a certain someone that Smith rescues (hint: he needs the lactating Ms. Belucci more than her clients do). Owens is great, Giamatti's great, and Belucci's a great body, so why does this movie feel like it should be starring Treat Williams, Virginia Madsen, and Michael Ironsides? (Answer: Because Smoking Aces only managed to sucker in Andy Garcia and Ray Liotta.)

The thing is, Shoot 'Em Up is so way, way Over The Top that I literally couldn't breathe from laughing out loud at how ridiculous, how ludicrous, how... INSANELY (forgive me, there are no other words) OVER THE TOP the entire exercise is. I wasn't too keen to see the deleted scenes, but Yoko persuaded me: "What," she said, "could they have possibly thought needed to be left out given everything they left in?" What, indeed. If you really want a so-bad-it's-good kick in the teeth, you could do a damn sight worse than Shoot 'Em Up.

ObCaveats: contains violence, sex, violence against the laws of physics, sucklings in peril, violence against your incredulity, torture, violence against your ability to suspend disbelief, and carrots. Look, I'm warning you about the carrots. Really.

RIP Edmund Hillary

You were a generous man, and you never stopped reminding people that Tenzing Norgey did what you did and more.